I have a small ceramic piece made by Rae Dunn that I bought at an art fair in Palo Alto. I keep it on my kitchen window sill so I can see it - never twice the same, it reads.
4 boys. Just when I think I know what I am doing, I am reminded that nothing is the same. Each needs something different from me as their mother - vital for their own physical, spiritual, mental, social, emotional growth & existence. And then it is my job to discover what this is, at this moment for this boy.
never twice the same - yet here I am doing this all over again. FPIES. Food Protein Induced Enterocolitis. Four years ago I researched and read any article I could get my hands on about this disorder. So relieved to finally have a name for why my baby Scotty was gravely ill. I became more of an expert on it than our doctor, all for my Scotty. I have devoted all of me these past years to his health. I did it willingly, full of love, my mind turned to faith, worked harder than I ever have in my life, and with all of my heart. We are nearing the end. And I am tired.
NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think that my chunky little monkey boy Colin might be sick. Nothing about these 2 brothers (Colin & Scotty ) resembles each other. Colin is a little baby Jacob! The picture of health.
It took me about 2 weeks to focus and realize that the baby rice cereal was making him sick. Very sick. I must have been in denial. Last Friday I pulled out the carpet cleaner because he threw up so much on the floor. The smell of the cleaner took me right back to the Scotty days. It was that instant I knew it was the rice. Rice protein. What took me so long? He was throwing up all day - every day. Waking up every hour at night. Not napping. Fussing all day. Sad baby. I took him off the rice and the next day he was back to his happy, sleeping self. I next tried sweet potato. 4 bites. He threw up for at least 24 hours. No napping. No sleeping. Bad diapers. Sad baby. Time to call the doctor. We officially diagnosed him this week.
I cried and cried and cried for 2 days. I am tired. I sometimes don't know if I can do it all over again. No part of me wants to or thinks I can. I am not sure if it is better knowing how to go about finding the foods already, or if it worse - already knowing how horrible are the days on end with a sick baby that are coming from food trials. I am already sad for him. Maybe it is better to not know.
But of course I will do it. And I will do it very very well. With all of me. For this my 4th son, whom I already love so very much. For him I will find everything that he needs and can eat. For it is never twice the same...even though I am doing it all over again.
NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think that my chunky little monkey boy Colin might be sick. Nothing about these 2 brothers (Colin & Scotty ) resembles each other. Colin is a little baby Jacob! The picture of health.
It took me about 2 weeks to focus and realize that the baby rice cereal was making him sick. Very sick. I must have been in denial. Last Friday I pulled out the carpet cleaner because he threw up so much on the floor. The smell of the cleaner took me right back to the Scotty days. It was that instant I knew it was the rice. Rice protein. What took me so long? He was throwing up all day - every day. Waking up every hour at night. Not napping. Fussing all day. Sad baby. I took him off the rice and the next day he was back to his happy, sleeping self. I next tried sweet potato. 4 bites. He threw up for at least 24 hours. No napping. No sleeping. Bad diapers. Sad baby. Time to call the doctor. We officially diagnosed him this week.
I cried and cried and cried for 2 days. I am tired. I sometimes don't know if I can do it all over again. No part of me wants to or thinks I can. I am not sure if it is better knowing how to go about finding the foods already, or if it worse - already knowing how horrible are the days on end with a sick baby that are coming from food trials. I am already sad for him. Maybe it is better to not know.
But of course I will do it. And I will do it very very well. With all of me. For this my 4th son, whom I already love so very much. For him I will find everything that he needs and can eat. For it is never twice the same...even though I am doing it all over again.
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